Imagine a self-important fratty pretending to be a guru and doling out douche-baggy life advice unsolicited at a house party.
Congratulations, you have just read Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
But wait a sec... Does what he is espousing actually hold water? Wait, WHAAAA??
Yeah. It actually kinda does.
I once heard that Finland was one of the (if not the singular) happiest nations in the world. When questioned about this, most Finns were surprised to hear themselves described this way. They didn't consider themselves happier than the rest of the world; in fact, some of those questioned considered themselves to be quite broody. It wasn't until someone somewhere along the line mentioned that, because their expectations are much lower than the rest of the western world's, it was easier to achieve a measure of "success" by their own standards. We aren't all special or extraordinary. In fact, if we were, then no one would be special or extraordinary at all. Are you a janitor? Great. An accountant? Fine. A high school principal? Good for you. The fact that most Finns have realistic expectations for their lives allows them to achieve success more readily, without feeling that they have to accomplish something world shaking in order to be valuable people. (Side note: Finland even celebrates its own National Failure Day every year.) You might say that they lack the gung-ho spirit that we so value in the U.S., but at least they are in touch with reality.
Anyway, TSAONGAF is rather in line with this philosophy. We can't all be great. It doesn't mean we aren't valuable or deserving of love or worthy human beings, rather that most of us will not achieve some colossal magnitude of greatness in our lives. And that's OK.
You might also describe parts of this book as advice on how to pick your battles. Maybe not everything is worth your time, effort, attention...or fucks. Some things are, and you should dedicate your proverbial fucks to those things but, just like we are not all special, neither are the things demanding our attention.
Manson talks a lot about pain and values in his book. Pain and suffering, while difficult, are formative; change often only comes through such experiences. Values such as pleasure, material success, dominance through violence/manipulation, being liked by everybody, and always being right are undesirable while values such as honesty, innovation, self-respect, creativity, curiosity, charity, and humility are good. There is a difference between fault and responsibility and, even when things aren't our fault (e.g. being the victim of a robbery), we are still responsible for our subsequent choices (e.g. succumbing to victimhood or rebuilding our lives). Another pervasive theme is that of entitlement, which he defines as the idea "that we're somehow unlike everyone else and that the rules must be different for us". These are among some of the themes addressed throughout this book, though this list of topics is certainly not exhaustive.
In every chapter/section, Manson helpfully shares stories -both his own and others'- to further illustrate his points anecdotally. Some stories make you roll your eyes at his obnoxiousness, but he often (quite humbly and surprisingly) comes around to point out his own errors in ways you might not have anticipated. While I do not disagree with his ultimate points in this book, I do question his credentials. I'm not sure that being a successful blogger in the 2010s qualifies him as an expert, but I am interested in his perspective. In general, he makes some excellent points and it's nice to be reminded -even crudely- that some things are just not worth our fucks.
At the end of the day, if you're willing to read it as nothing more than someone else's worldview -one that may indeed prove beneficial- and don't mind some naughty words, it's worth a read. Clocking in at just a hair over 200 pages, it's an easy book to pick up and read in installments. Solid toilet reading, actually...and I think Mark Manson would like that idea.
