At the Same Time, Eris

Several months ago, I shared a poem called Chernobyl Kids by writer Eris.  I came across another one of her works today that brings me great pleasure and validation as an elder Millennial, rapidly approaching middle age.  At the Same Time is an ode to those of us who, while aging, are still not quite old enough to accept it.  Any woman (or man) above 35 can probably relate to some degree.

AT THE SAME TIME

Dermatitis, greying hair,

Folliculitis in my underwear.

Eczema and skin that flaps,

Stretch marks that look like road maps.

Skin tags on my neck and pits,

Sagging tits, Christ! I can’t shit!

Hemorrhoids I have enjoyed,

All because I could not void.

PEEK-A-BOO!  Who’s come to call?

What fun!  My bladder starts to fall!

Is that my uterus I see?

Ah-ah-AAACHOO!  Oops, I just peed.

Scoliosis,

Halitosis,

Hashtag osteoporosis.

Hair that grows in weird new places,

How ‘bout this ol’ diastasis?

I guess my body’s getting old;

Now my joints ache in the cold.

Nah, JK, false alarm!

Hot flashes warm me like a charm.

Old piercings that now get infected,

Hold up!  My youth is resurrected:

Acne,

Backne,

These comedones attack me!

It should come as no surprise

That all these years, I’ve been fed lies.

No line exists ‘tween “young” and “old”;

And now, my dear, let truth be told:

Zits and fine lines

Come at the same time.

Chernobyl Kids, Eris

Today, I have another poem to share of an entirely different variety.  Compared to the contemplative and often pastoral writings of Robert Frost, Chernobyl Kids is an abominable and darkly humorous work by comic writer/poet Eris.  In the vein of Go the F**k to Sleep (Adam Mansbach), Eris taps into the inner minds of parents by articulating what we all want to say to our children in the face of their frivolous complaints (shut up!).  As our grandparents and parents reminded us, "there are starving people in China", Eris provides privileged children everywhere with an equally ridiculous and pointless reminder, "you are not a Chernobyl kid".  Horrid, grotesque, inexcusable, and entirely awful...

...I kinda love it. 

CHERNOBYL KIDS

Back in 1986,
Some kids were living in the sticks.
A big explosion made them all sick.
They are Chernobyl kids.

You got grounded, it feels like jail,
But don't you rant!  Don't you wail!
Look at Goran, he has a tail!
Cuz he's a Chernobyl kid.

Your referee makes a lousy call
You want to rage and screech and bawl.
Mishka can't play with a radioactive doll
Cuz she's a Chernobyl kid.

You didn't get the toy you wanted,
Got mad at Mom, and stomped, and grunted.
Have you met Bogdan?  His growth is stunted
Cuz he's a Chernobyl kid.

Time for school!  Dad woke you from a dream.
Plug your ears!  Prepare for a scream!
Maxim limps down the street to let off steam
Cuz he's a Chernobyl kid.

Your teacher's being really stern,
Ugh!  You had to wait your turn!
Natalia has a third degree burn
Cuz she's a Chernobyl kid.

You hit your brother, he's gonna tell.
You're feeling you're about to yell.
Remember Goran?  He's been through hell!
Cuz he's a Chernobyl kid.

You wanted some gum while waiting in line,
Dad said "no" so you start wo whine.
Poor Irina has a crooked spine
Cuz she's a Chernobyl kid.

Mom made rice.  You hate this grain!
Don't you dare start to complain!
Svetlana has a growth on her brain
Cuz she's a Chernobyl kid.

It really doesn't matter what you just did.
If you feel you're about to flip your lid,
Shut the fuck up!
And be grateful you weren't on that grid!
Cuz you are not a Chernobyl kid.

[I promise, the second part of More Than A Body is coming, but that book has proven to be extremely dense and slow moving.  More on that later.]