I have opted to split this particular book into two separate reviews. More Than A Body is a dense publication addressing the issues of body image, the objectification of the feminine body, and how these important topics influence our collective and individual psyches today. PART ONE will outline the book's Introduction and first three chapters. PART TWO will cover the final three chapters, as well as an overall reflection. In between each post, you will find yet another -separate- review for an unrelated novel...because I wanted to do it that way.
Note that all quotes (both direct and paraphrased) come from this publication unless otherwise noted. I have spent a great deal of time summarizing and recapping the points that I personally wanted to highlight and, although I'm sure that I have not followed standard citation protocol to the letter, I want to give credit where it is due.
PART ONE: INTRODUCTION, CHAPTERS 1-3
Your body is an instrument, not an ornament.
As a girl growing into womanhood in the occidental world, I have long struggled with body image issues. My story is not in the least bit unique insofar as the vast majority of women and girls in this country face this same struggle. Day after day, women and men alike are exposed to images of the "ideal beauty" and the -somehow always just out of reach- #goals aesthetic for the feminine body. We are taught that our bodies determine our value: to be beautiful is to be worthy, to be ugly is to be less than. Even in a culture that condemns fat shaming (arguably to a detriment) and promotes body acceptance, beauty is still placed on a pedestal as something to be obtained and achieved. At all costs.
In the meantime, "we grow up seeing idealized and sexualized female bodies presented in media as parts for others' viewing pleasure, even in the most mundane or unexpected circumstances." If you need further evidence of this, you need search no further than Jean Kilbourne's latest edition of Killing Us Softly 4 (free on YouTube).
Our sense of self is split as we become both the viewer and the viewed. This duality is perpetuated while "we watch from afar as our bodies become our primary means of identity and value."
Self-objectification, the "constant mental body monitoring" that, ultimately, influences how we feel about our bodies, "is informed by a lifetime of messages tying a woman's worth to her appearance." (See again: Killing Us Softly 4.)
As twin sisters and PhDs Lindsay and Lexie Kite lay out in their book More Than A Body (above quotes all coming from the Introduction), this sort of brainwashing is pervasive and dangerous. The idea that our beauty determines our worth sounds absurd but is, at its core, an insidious truth about what we have been taught as children -and continue to teach our daughters!- as a collective whole. Using a vivid metaphor of the "Sea of Objectification", the Kites argue that "the problem of negative body image then extends to overall negative self-image, becoming a more comprehensive problem than beauty-focused solutions can tackle. [...] A more effective approach to healing our body image issues needs to reflect the understanding that focusing on the appearance of our bodies is the problem. [...] Positive body image isn't believing your body looks good; it is knowing your body is good, regardless of how it looks."
Throughout the following chapters, readers will examine the world around them -from advertising and marketing, to social media and the language we use when speaking to and about one another- through a critical lens. By challenging ourselves to shift our perspectives, we can perhaps regain the healthy mindset we had as children, "whose lives and hopes and imaginations weren't distracted or limited by envisioning how they looked."
Chapter 1: Rising with Body Image Resilience
Many of us don't consider ourselves obsessed with our body image. I certainly did not and, in the traditional sense, I still don't consider myself that way. I'm not on point with the latest clothing trends (my most recent purchase being a giant narwhal onesie for adults), I almost never wear make-up (I'm lazy and I hate how it feels on my face), and I hate doing my hair (as evidenced by every picture of me over the past decade). However, if you were to ask me how I feel about my body, my default would be to list all of the things I would change about it. I'd be taller, for one. My hips would be narrower. I wouldn't be so hairy, and the hair on my head would be an entirely different texture. I would have the body I had in my early twenties (about 25-30 pounds lighter than I am now, which would not be a healthy weight). My toes would be a different shape (oddly specific, right?). I have one tooth that would be slightly larger and sit a little differently. I wouldn't have sensitive skin. My arms would look as strong as they actually are. I wouldn't have cellulite or the weird wrinkles that developed above my knees after the birth of my oldest child. My cheeks wouldn't be starting to sag into the inevitable jowls of my future. The scar where I had my reconstructive surgeries several years ago wouldn't pucker on the right side. My fingers wouldn't be so stubby (somehow they seem to have gotten shorter and thicker with age?). If only I could change those things about myself, then I'd be happy.
In this first chapter, we are introduced to the disturbing concept of normative discontent as the normal and acceptable truth that girls and women feel bad about their bodies most of the time. My list of grievances with my body might seem weird or scrutinous to you but, if you're a woman, I bet your list is equally so. Like me, you are probably your own worst critic. We are familiar with feeling uncomfortable with or disappointed in our bodies and, as a result, we constantly self-monitor. Consider: When was the last time you walked by a mirror and didn't check some aspect of your appearance, even mindlessly? Did you judge yourself -for better or worse- by what you saw? Is there any part of your body that you dislike or even hate (instead of hating the profit-driven industries that benefit from your body not fitting a singularly specific mold)? We will all encounter images or experiences that make us feel bad about our bodies from time to time.
The goal suggested by the Kite twins is simply to live, instead of watching ourselves live. This goal certainly resonates.
Chapter 2: Critiquing and Creating Your Media Environment
I found some of the anecdotes and examples used in this chapter to be surprisingly poignant and personal, almost as if they were written for me. As we objectively scrutinize (instead of simply scrolling through) the images we encounter all around us or the heavily curated posts on social media, one thing becomes glaringly obvious: "Most media messages about women's bodies are based on the idea that our happiness, health, power, and relationship status depend upon our consumability - how good we look to others and how irresistibly sexy we are. [...] they normalize our discomfort and make us feel abnormal and subpar in our natural states."
Yikes.
Readers are led on a tour -body part by body part- through the unnatural states of "beauty" from which companies profit from our deconstructed parts in need of "fixing". Standards in hair, brows, eyelashes, eyes, armpits, legs, body hair of all kinds, skin, weight and shape, and cellulite are explored -- right alongside the double standard women face that men traditionally do not in each of these areas. I submit: When was the last time a man was judged as "gross" for not shaving the very natural hair that grows in his pits? Called out for "going native" in his pubic area? Undergone the often painful process(es) of threading, microblading, waxing, plucking, or tattooing his eyebrows? Yes, I'm sure it has happened, but it would be highly unusual indeed.
Fear not! Everything natural about us can be "fixed" through products and purchases! And if not there, then through digital manipulation. The most frightening part? "The earlier we can be introduced to the sea of objectification and feel at home there, the more profitable these companies and ideals will be." I don't know about you, but I feel deep seated rage when I consider that some rich CEO seeks to profit from my daughter's manufactured and curated insecurities.
[Quick aside: We often talk about this "ideal beauty", so let's really consider her. More than likely, she is tall (but not too tall), thin, tiny waist, androgynously narrow hips, dolphin smooth but with a head of luxurious, effortlessly wavy hair, soft skin (but firm in all the right places), zero cellulite, no blemishes, perky breasts. If you were to zoom in on this description, you might notice something. This woman with her tiny waist, thinness, minimal body hair, androgynous hips (...) is essentially a child with boobs. Ew.]
When we realize that "the same sources that warped [our] body image in the first place" are responsible for our saturation with images and messaging that promote these unhealthy and unrealistic ideals for profit, we can actually find relief. The "ideal beauty" above can and does exist in nature, but she is a very small percentage of women with this genetic body type. Most of us will never look like her. "We would all know if any beauty or weight-loss miracles existed. They don't."
For these reasons, authors Lindsay and Lexie Kite urge readers to [paraphrased]:
- Question and consider what you view, what you post, and the consequences of the time you spend submerged in objectifying ideals and trying to emulate them.
- Learn the reasons you turn to media that you might not even be aware of -- escape, boredom, avoiding more important things, self-punishment, anxiety, etc. (They suggest intermittent media fasting.) Focus instead on what you see, feel, and experience in real life, in your own body, face-to-face with other.
- Spare kids from facing these challenges [self-comparison, objectification, and the insatiable desire for validation] for as long as possible. Err on the side of caution by shielding kids from their own independent social media access for as long as possible. Then, web access should be monitored, restricted, and lovingly guided.
Chapter 3: From Self-Objectification to Self-Actualization
Chapter 3 begins by focusing on how we, as women, constantly slip outside of ourselves to monitor and evaluate our bodies. Day after day, countless times each day, we become detached from our whole selves and are left feeling "disconnected from [our] own joy, pleasure, focus, full capabilities, and fulfillment [...] Self-objectification is the invisible prison of picturing yourself being looked at instead of just fully living." This effort is both endless and burdensome, with research showing that this constant attention drains us of both our physical and mental energy.
I sent a text to my cousin the other day. In it, I shared with her that I had recently stumbled upon some photos of myself ranging from about 10-20 years ago. "You don't realize how much you've aged until the evidence is right in front of your face," I told her. In those photos, I saw a young, slim, energetic-looking girl. Her natural hair color is rich and dark and shines and has dimension -- differing vastly from my carefully selected hair color today. No part of her sags or appears drab. She wears make-up, her waist is tiny, I scarcely recognize her body as having once been my own as she teeters on being dangerously thin in some photos (those taken while she was in the peak of her running career). Immediately, I was outside of myself -as the viewer and the viewed- and was lamenting the "loss" of that former aesthetic. She is so much prettier than I am. She > Me
And I didn't even realize I was doing it until much, much later.
It is so easy to get sucked into this false reality where we compare ourselves to others, or even to our past selves, and determine our worth based on what we see. This comparison to self is what the Kites refer to as Selfie-Objectification. While I generally hate selfies, the same concept can be applied to past photos of oneself taken by another individual. "Looking through your selfies [past photos] and evaluating your beauty to remind yourself of your value is the perfect illustration for describing the harmful state of self-objectification."
I had felt pretty in those photos I came across and shared with my cousin. In most of them, I was well-dressed, perfectly coiffed, and made up for some event (weddings, parties, outings, etc.). That certainly wasn't what I looked like every day and I can sure as shit tell you that I didn't feel beautiful every day. Even then, when I was "pretty and perfect", I felt inadequate. My body wasn't what I'd wanted it to be and I wouldn't find true happiness until it was. Why not? Because "body image is an inside issue, and no outside praise for how our bodies appear will ever provide long-lasting confidence and fulfillment."
One of the tragic side effects of self-comparison (whether to others or ourselves) and objectification is that it pits women against one another. "If everyone is a competitor, no one is really on your team." We not only objectify ourselves but each other as we compare and compete for happiness. The tragedy continues as we fail to recognize that we even inhabit our own bodies. "As adults, our imagined goals in life often include our goal bodies, and many of us can't envision our happiest, most fulfilled future selves without also imagining ourselves looking different ("better") from how we do now." We fantasize about that tropical beach vacation, but we can't enjoy it without our bikini body. Can you imagine putting photos from your trip on your family's Christmas card that don't look "beautiful" and showcase your flat tummy and thigh gap? Remember, "You can be anything you want! Girl power! But you better look good doing it, or it doesn't count."
To combat these harmful habits, the Kites suggest turning to conscious self-reflection. "Stop. Stop scrolling, stop watching, stop measuring and evaluating and comparing." Identifying our feelings, naming the triggers, and rethinking our reactions in a conscious way is both beneficial and healthy. For example: I saw those photos from my past and immediately felt inadequate, nostalgic, and guilty -- as though I had done something to "lose" that body. The photos themselves may have been the obvious trigger, but not perusing old family pictures isn't exactly a healthy way to avoid these feelings of negativity. Instead, I ought to find healthy ways to enjoy looking at old photos without being consumed by this supposed loss. Instead of falling into depression and despair over how I look today, perhaps it would be better to shift my focus from my appearance (how I looked) to my experience (how I felt). That was a really fun trip. I remember how exciting it was when we went on our honeymoon to New Orleans. I feel so grateful to have married my best friend. Isn't that a bajillion times better than the self-piteous I wish I still could wear that dress. My hair is drab now and I have to work really hard to make it "pretty". My face looks so old now. I wish I didn't have all the scars I do now. My butt has gotten a lot bigger. Blah blah blah. Shut up, Eeyore!
It is important to recognize the difference between "what is oppressive and what is creative self-expression or simply personal preference" when it comes to grooming choices. "It is okay and normal to desire validation for how you present yourself to the world." Taking inventory of how our choices make us feel about our overall worth is one of the first steps to finding this subjective balance for ourselves. The notions of self-compassion, reconnecting with our "inner child", and exploring a spiritual sense of self are all additional steps suggested by the authors.
Before taking an intermission from More Than A Body, I'd like to end with a few uplifting and inspiring quotes from the text:
"Your experiences in the waters of objectification are not that unique."
"Truly understand that your purpose, passion, and potential are not elevated or diminished by how you look on the path getting there."
"Your life is bigger than what you look like."
"Your reason for living isn't to be decorative."
"You deserve to feel comfortable in your own body."
