I've been busy over the past couple of years. In October 2023, I started experiencing pain in my right hip and the ball of my left foot. The following month, I developed pain in the ball of my right foot. In subsequent months, the pain extended to my left hip, both heels, both foot arches, and my right ankle. I was a mess. Three surgeries, hundreds of labs, blood draws, and imaging tests later, I am sloooooooowly finding my way back to something resembling normal. I have a ways to go yet, but I finally have more of a direction. This leaves me feeling less...untethered.
I stumbled upon the Curable app some time ago when I saw an infographic on Instagram about chronic pain and our neural pathways. It really resonated with me, so I'm sharing it here. Please look at it; it's very much worth your while.
I wasn't willing to throw money at something that could end up being snake oil, so I found that they had a podcast that was free - the right price! I spent some time listening to a few episodes that I'd cherry-picked for my situation and found one in particular to be eerily striking. The guest on the episode described a very similar scenario with nearly mirror symptoms to my own and he mentioned a particular book and workbook that were his gateway to understanding these concepts. This seemed like a more reasonable starting place to me -purchasing a couple books, after all, won't break the bank- so I did. And boy, am I glad.
I first bought (and completed) The Mindbody Workbook (Volume Two), by David Schechter, MD and Justin Barker, PsyD.
This was an incredibly informative resource for me that served as an excellent guide to journaling and reflection on my emotions. As I neared the end, I looked to this workbook to guide me in what to do next. Among a long list of other recommended books and gurus in the field of mindbody medicine, one name resounds as the father of the field: Dr. John Sarno.
Sarno published a number of books before his death several years ago, but I felt that the one that would be most appropriate for my needs was the general guide to mindbody symptoms/conditions. The Mindbody Prescription: Healing the Body, Healing the Pain is considered one of the proverbial Bibles to this approach.
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Sarno's work began in studying chronic back pain and, while his work is certainly illuminating in that very specific field, he later discovered that chronic mindbody symptoms were not limited only to the back. This kind of pain can (and does) appear everywhere in the body and, sometimes, it's not pain at all. Sarno suggests that even conditions like digestive issues, allergies, and Raynaud's (all things that affect me) could be due to mindbody disorders. Maybe yes, maybe no, but I see no harm in considering this possibility. As a book, The Mindbody Prescription can get rather technical at times, but I can hang. While I would recommend it to someone suffering from any type of chronic pain that has been enigmatic to biomedical practitioners, I know that the type of personality (e.g. mine!) that is prone to mindbody symptoms can easily become frustrated by the pedantic nature of the book. Perhaps knowing that ahead of time -and accepting that certain parts may be tricky to follow without an extensive background in researching the medical terms used- is enough to get folks like myself through the muck and mire of a book that can occasionally be as extraneous as this longass sentence.
- Both of the above books are excellent resources that I'd strongly recommend for anyone who experiences "unexplained" chronic symptoms.
- After finishing the workbook, I joined Curable. I use the app regularly for education, meditation, and journaling prompts. It's great and I like the bite-sized exercises that users can access as often as needed/desired.
- After finishing the Sarno book, I joined Curable's classes/groups. It's an additional subscription charge (boo!) but it gives me access to classes (both live and pre-recorded), support groups with "people like me", and is still far less expensive than one-on-one therapy. So far, it has been quite cathartic.
- I love learning. This journey has been so very fascinating in a number of ways and I'm grateful to know what I know. (I just wish it had been on someone else's body, not mine!) I hope I never need to share this knowledge with loved ones but, if I do, it's there and I'm ready to blather on to anyone who will listen.
- I hate that I'm in this situation and have needed to learn what I have learned but an education is one thing that no one can take away from you.
- I have hit some very low points over the past couple of years but I am steadily coming back. To be sure, I have had wonderful support from friends and family -without whom much of my progress would have been far more difficult (or even impossible)- but I credit myself with the vast majority of what I have accomplished, learned, and conquered. Not doctors. Not surgeons. Not nurses. Not physical therapists. Not acupuncturists. Not specialists. Not even family or friends. Me.
- All of this has given me a great level of appreciation for myself and what I can withstand because I am fucking resilient, not to mention a goddam delight.
- Sometimes hope can be forced, phony, and toxic. And it's OK to let go of it and embrace the darkness when you need to do that. Well-meaning people who tell you not to give up hope are rarely those who have had reason to. And if they have, well then they must be unicorns and good for them or whatever. But they are not you, and you do what you want. Plus, they probably lack the highly intelligent but dark sense of humor that you have, so they will never find the idea of having a life-threatening illness in a system that is designed to keep us sick as hilarious as it is. Their loss.
